, , ,


If you’ve been reading this blog, you’ll know that I’m shit at being slim. I excel at being fat. I have tried everything and I have failed. The problem is my lack of discipline and my weaknesses when it comes to savoury snacks. So, after little thought and sense, I’ve decided that short of having an actual eating disorder that I’m going to try the Cambridge Diet.

So the Cambridge diet is a no-low carb food replacement diet, they offer overpriced porridge, milkshakes (that don’t have milk in), soups and bars. It’s proven to have quite dramatic results in a short period of time. It’s not uncommon for people who are strict on this diet to loose between 9 and 16lbs in the first week – and it works by using this odd magic, called Ketosis. According to the lovely folks at Wikipedia, When moving from a high carb diet – like mine (I could literally have a relationship with a loaf of bread, albeit a very weird one) to a low carb one, the body goes through a number to stages before it reaches Ketosis, and this can take between 3 and 4 days.

From discussions that I’ve had with people Ketosis isn’t pleasant. You basically feel hungry all the time, shit, and have little energy. The reason for this is that the body is changing the way it generates energy, from utilising the carbs that we ingest to using our fat stores as its primary source of energy.

What the Cambridge diet is designed to do (much like Atkins, but with fewer calories) is to keep the body in Ketosis for the duration to ensure maximum weight loss. Obviously the advantage of a meal replacement diet like this is that all the food is measured and portioned for me. I’ve always been a big portion bloke. I could give Adam Rickman from Man V Food a run for his money. So this diet is going to be a real challenge for me, not just a physical challenge, but a mental one and to some extent a cultural one, as it could possibly had a really effect on my relationship with food.

Why can’t I just get off my fat arse and go for a run, you might be asking yourself. – I used to run a lot, I enjoyed it, but in the last year I’ve just become a lazy bugger. With my job and everything else that’s going on, when I go home, I just want to sit with my feet up and chill out, the problem is, that’s had an effect on my waist line. I’d hope that as I lose the weight, I’ll be inclined to get back to the gym from time to time.

It’s now Wednesday, I saw the Cambridge Weight Plan consultant yesterday, Sharon, a lovely lady who I talked at length about how to manage the diet, also a colleague of mine had had some incredible results since she went on the plan. I have been advised to drink a stupid amount of water – 4 litres a day. This will help in several ways, first of all, it’ll help my skin keep its elasticity, so my stomach doesn’t sag like a sloppy vagina, it’ll help to keep my hunger at bay during the first week, and also it’ll mean I’m pissing every five minutes, so I may actually get pass level 105 on Candy Crush. More importantly, it’ll help break down the fat stores so my body can burn fat more efficiently (apparently, anyway)

I won’t lie, I’m a bit worried that I’ll end up cracking when no one is around and sneaking a sandwich, which is what I’ve done when I’ve been trying the 5-2 diet, – which is part of the reason why I’ve done this – I won’t need to set foot into a supermarket and buy food. I need to remove that temptation and find some inner strength – or just grow a pair. (you can decide)

So here I am T-minus 5 days until I start the plan. I’m not starting right away as I’ve got a night out this week that I’ve been looking forward too, and I’m not allowed to drink alcohol on the diet:

So as of 1.10.13 by stats are:

  • Weight 17.2 st
  • Chest 43″
  • Arms 12″
  • Belly 42″

I’ll try and update this daily for the first couple of week, as I think it’ll help to keep me focused. I’ll be totally honest about any cravings, pains or emotions that I feel as I basically starve myself and see if it’s all worth it.

In the meantime, I’m going to start reducing my carb intake towards the end of the week, I’ve been advised that this will help the process into Ketosis move quicker and I should begin feeling normal with normal energy levels after 3 days.

Watch this Space.